After a breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, a double mastectomy and a reconstruction surgery in which doctors harvested stomach muscles to rebuild her chest, Rachael Logsdon thought she'd been through the worst.
She might have been, had skin not died and created an open upper-body wound, and had a blood clot not developed in her lung. Then the MainStrasse resident was struck by palpitations so severe, she believes she had a heart attack.
Exhausted and frustrated, Logsdon made a decision from her hospital bed.
"That's it," she said. "I'm getting back on a horse. When I get better, I'm going to ride again."
Horses were always her passion. Long before she learned she was sick with an illness she never saw coming - breast cancer didn't run in her family, and she was so young that a doctor's receptionist said she didn't even need a mammogram - Logsdon taught horseback riding, rode competitively and volunteered at horse shows.
She eventually exchanged stable time for biochemistry studies at Northern Kentucky University and hoped someday to study medicine. But the lump she found in her right breast when she was 29 derailed her planning.
The tumor grew quickly and scarily until she no longer could ignore it. A mammogram preceded a biopsy that revealed cancer in her breast and skin, which prompted chemotherapy, radiation and a 13-hour surgery.
"I was in such denial," Logsdon said. "When they told me 'chemo,' that's when I freaked out. I was like, 'I can't believe it. I'm not sick!' "
When doctors found cancer cells in her left breast too, Logsdon already had elected to have a double mastectomy because of its better survival rate compared to a lumpectomy. She woke from surgery with a reconstructed chest, only to later wage battles with complications and more surgeries.
Her husband, Eric, was by her side through it all. Logsdon said her illness forced her to truly trust and rely on someone, and the pair went from sweethearts to spouses through the ordeal.
"It made our relationship better," she said. "(Cancer) was awful, but we laughed a lot."
Eric Logsdon saw his wife's decision to reconnect with horses as part of her search for inspiration. He wasn't a horse person, but he knew how relaxed and peaceful Rachael felt when she was riding.
"When you go through recovery, you think of the most important thing in your life," Eric said. "And it was clear from the get-go that horses were going to be a driving force for her."
Rachael scoured Web sites for horses and finally settled on a big, red-orange Belgian quarter horse-cross named Chili. She said she and the horse were kindred spirits. They both knew about survival - she from cancer and he from abandonment.
"He was just sitting out in a field and nobody wanted to ride him and I started riding him, and he was a jerk and I loved him," Logsdon said, laughing.
In the past year, Logsdon, now 34, and her headstrong horse have built a rapport. Once the ornery horse stopped running her into walls, they began rudimentary training.
It has been hard, Logsdon said. Although she knew what her body should be doing when she rode, she was forced to adapt to a surgically altered figure that lacked stomach muscles. Those muscles were crucial for her balance and posture.
She learned to temper her impatience through lessons with instructor Jenny Joyce at Champagne Run in Lexington. Although she rides Chili about every day in Walton, where he's boarded, the pair heads south to meet Joyce each week.
Logsdon has come a long way in a short time, Joyce said. She leaned forward excessively when she began training, which made her more prone to being pitched forward if the horse stumbled or lost its balance.
Now she's able to sit up tall and "is where she needs to be to be safe and have a lot of fun," Joyce said. The instructor expects Logsdon to be able to compete in her favorite pastime, three-day eventing, by the middle of next spring, even if it's in a limited role.
"Her confidence level is so much bigger than it was before," Joyce said. "Confidence and balance keeps you in the saddle."
And that's where Logsdon plans to be.
She has emerged healthy from a battle with cancer that has changed all her goals and priorities. Her equine endeavors have helped in the healing process, just as her motivational speeches to nursing classes and journal writing have eased some depression and anxiety.
Logsdon said she relied on a friend for tips and advice, and she wanted to help others in a similar fashion. She wrote a book called "The Gown Opens in the Front," which details her experiences and includes anecdotes and tips about treatment and recovery.
There are days, she said, when she's still overwhelmed by her experience. Then she gets right back on that horse - in more ways than one.
"The nicest thing about riding a horse, I think, is that it really gives you a sense of control," she said. "It gives you a really good sense of where you are. And it gives you a sense of accomplishment."
Rachael Logsdon was diagnosed with Stage IV inflammatory breast cancer at the age of 30. She underwent intensive chemotherapy, radiation, and surgeries in order to become cancer-free.
